Jane and Andrea are handling the challenges of the sex change one step at a time
Before the change, Andrea, John and Rafe before the change
Until six weeks ago, Andrea Fletcher was the partner of respected writer and journalist John Ozimek. She was the mother of their five-year-old son Rafe and very much looking forward to, one day, becoming his wife.
She has wanted to marry him ever since their first date seven years ago, walking along the pebbled beach at Aldeburgh in Suffolk, wrapped up against the cold and eating chips, and it is not difficult to understand why she fell for the Oxford graduate and former IT and marketing consultant.
A quick look at John Ozimek's photograph shows a handsome, seemingly confident, middle-aged man whose image sits perfectly with his intelligent essays on political and sexual liberty, censorship and data protection, which are regularly published on a broadsheet newspaper website. Publicly held in high regard, in private, too, he was all Andrea could have hoped for. Kind, gentle, honest, reliable, he is a devoted father not only to their son, but to his 16-year-old daughter Natasha from a previous marriage and Andrea's daughter Meg, also 16, from her previous marriage.
Yes, Andrea would have loved to become Mrs John Ozimek. She still would. Only John Ozimek doesn't exist any more. Andrea's partner is now called Jane Fae.
Just after Christmas, when Andrea had given John a nice sweater and a chunky silver bracelet, he confessed that ever since he was in his teens he'd never felt happy as a man, could no longer repress his true feelings, and wanted to live as woman.
Until that moment, Andrea hadn't had a clue. 'To begin with I thought that John was going through some kind of mid-life crisis. He'd always been very open and communicative, but suddenly he was very distant and distracted with me,' says Andrea. 'Unhappiness seemed to ooze out of him, but every time I asked him if there was something wrong, he'd say no. He became very preoccupied with his appearance, started growing his hair and then joined a theatrical group.
'One afternoon I cornered him in his study and said: "You've got to tell me what's going on." I asked him if he was having an affair and he said: "You couldn't be more wrong."'
'I didn't know what was going on. I thought maybe he was seriously ill or having an affair, and would one day turn up outside the house driving a red sports car and announce that he was leaving me for another woman.
'He was silent for what felt like an age. I was terrified he was going to tell me he had a terminal illness and was dying. Then he said: "I think I have gender issues."
'I said: "What the hell are you talking about?" and that's when he said: "I'm not really a man." Because I'd been expecting him to tell me he was dying, what I actually felt was huge relief and I said: "If that's what it is, that's fine. I can cope with that." '
The couple stayed up all night, talking until 6am. John told Andrea that he'd been to his GP for counselling, because he was in turmoil and didn't know how to tell her - fearing she would pack her bags and leave with the children.
'I wasn't angry with him, I was just cross that he hadn't told me before. I felt sad for him, for having to live with these feelings for so long,' says Andrea, a full-time mother.
'Of course it was a shock, but it didn't affect my feelings one little bit. I loved this person, and I knew I would always love this person regardless of gender.'
Few women might feel that way. Research shows that the majority of relationships collapse following the discovery that one person in a partnership feels that their true gender is at odds with their physical body, but Andrea insists she will not leave her 'soulmate'.
She has wanted to marry him ever since their first date seven years ago, walking along the pebbled beach at Aldeburgh in Suffolk, wrapped up against the cold and eating chips, and it is not difficult to understand why she fell for the Oxford graduate and former IT and marketing consultant.
A quick look at John Ozimek's photograph shows a handsome, seemingly confident, middle-aged man whose image sits perfectly with his intelligent essays on political and sexual liberty, censorship and data protection, which are regularly published on a broadsheet newspaper website. Publicly held in high regard, in private, too, he was all Andrea could have hoped for. Kind, gentle, honest, reliable, he is a devoted father not only to their son, but to his 16-year-old daughter Natasha from a previous marriage and Andrea's daughter Meg, also 16, from her previous marriage.
Yes, Andrea would have loved to become Mrs John Ozimek. She still would. Only John Ozimek doesn't exist any more. Andrea's partner is now called Jane Fae.
Just after Christmas, when Andrea had given John a nice sweater and a chunky silver bracelet, he confessed that ever since he was in his teens he'd never felt happy as a man, could no longer repress his true feelings, and wanted to live as woman.
Until that moment, Andrea hadn't had a clue. 'To begin with I thought that John was going through some kind of mid-life crisis. He'd always been very open and communicative, but suddenly he was very distant and distracted with me,' says Andrea. 'Unhappiness seemed to ooze out of him, but every time I asked him if there was something wrong, he'd say no. He became very preoccupied with his appearance, started growing his hair and then joined a theatrical group.
'One afternoon I cornered him in his study and said: "You've got to tell me what's going on." I asked him if he was having an affair and he said: "You couldn't be more wrong."'
'I didn't know what was going on. I thought maybe he was seriously ill or having an affair, and would one day turn up outside the house driving a red sports car and announce that he was leaving me for another woman.
'He was silent for what felt like an age. I was terrified he was going to tell me he had a terminal illness and was dying. Then he said: "I think I have gender issues."
'I said: "What the hell are you talking about?" and that's when he said: "I'm not really a man." Because I'd been expecting him to tell me he was dying, what I actually felt was huge relief and I said: "If that's what it is, that's fine. I can cope with that." '
The couple stayed up all night, talking until 6am. John told Andrea that he'd been to his GP for counselling, because he was in turmoil and didn't know how to tell her - fearing she would pack her bags and leave with the children.
'I wasn't angry with him, I was just cross that he hadn't told me before. I felt sad for him, for having to live with these feelings for so long,' says Andrea, a full-time mother.
'Of course it was a shock, but it didn't affect my feelings one little bit. I loved this person, and I knew I would always love this person regardless of gender.'
Few women might feel that way. Research shows that the majority of relationships collapse following the discovery that one person in a partnership feels that their true gender is at odds with their physical body, but Andrea insists she will not leave her 'soulmate'.
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